Kevin Federline

Britney Spears was the most packaged pop star at the height of it all. Manufactured and produced to the point of oppression…

And here she is, after nearly 2 years of tumult, about to release a documentary that sounds more honest than anything anyone is doing right now.

EW.com had the opportunity to screen For the Record today and even the journalist seemed surprised at Britney’s candour, likely expecting to go in there for yet another fluff piece but ending up watching instead Britney’s honest and at times confused assessment of what she’s become.

Caution: it will make you sad. Because she is so sad. And yet it’s something she wants out there. On MTV no less. Still that constant struggle: who is she, who was she, what does she want, what doesn’t she want? And trying to figure it all out while the cameras are rolling. So if they’re rolling, we can’t help watching right?

Is that a weak justification?

Excerpts are below:

Breaking up with Justin and Kevin:
“With Justin, he was a part of the magnitude of what I had become. So when he was gone I was like, What am I supposed to do with myself? I was devastated [by the breakup] but I handled it a lot better than the [split] with Kevin….He started to do an album for himself and he started to do things for himself, and I just never saw him anymore….When it ended I felt so alone. I didn’t really wanna think about the reality of it. I never faced it….I just ran.”

Reflecting on the mess:
“My trust has really been battered….Sometimes it can get kinda lonely….I had totally lost my way. I lost focus. I lost myself. I let certain people into my life that were just bad people…because I was lonely….I really paid the consequences for that. Big time….What the hell was I thinking?”

On fame:
“At first, it’s amazing, the first year or two, because it’s like, I’m a celebrity!….It didn’t really touch me until I had been working for six years….I wanted to just stop. I wanted to create a new life.”

Now:
“Do I know my life is weird? It’s all I’ve ever known. I don’t see it as being weird….I’m kind of stuck in this place and I’m like, How do you deal? I just cope with it every day….It’s better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way….It’s bad. I’m sad.” She breaks down into tears. Later, she complains that her life is too in control these days: “It’s like Groundhog Day every day. It’s really boring….Normal is really different for everybody….In my situation, I try to make it as normal as possible for me….It could be a lot worse. There are people out there who have it a lot worse than I do….I used to be a cool chick but I feel like the paparazzi has taken that away from me, like, the way I used to live my life. I used to be a cool chick but I’m not anymore.”